Cancer
(June 21 - July 23)
You know that guy you dated? That one with mommy issues? Go check his birthday. Ditto for any girl you dated with daddy issues, but this is really most pronounced in men. Either his mother’s perfect – and nobody will ever. possibly. be able to live up to her – or she’s a complete loser who’ll be lucky if he makes it to her funeral.
No, seriously. Get past the issues and these are some of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. They’re the kind who tear up at commercials, the kind that will come over with Indian food even when you didn’t ask for it, the kind who stare soulfully into your eyes.
Sometimes they’ll also hug you so hard you think you’re going to vomit. Watch out for that.
Biggest Insult: You really hurt my feelings.
Quickest Way to Get Cancer into Bed: Make big eyes. Bigger. Like a Hummel doll. Act slightly domineering – dare I say, parental?
Most Likely to: cook you a fancy dinner. Make you gag talking about their families.
Should Have Been Born: in medieval times. One village, where you know everybody and everybody’s at home? And Mom lives next door? Who could ask for anything more?
To Make Cancer Forgive You: Get his mother on your side. Make big eyes again. Cancers really go for those big eyes.